The Coin Has Flipped

"We are black and white
In our mouths
A four leaf clover
We bite down hard
To starve
The sweet away..."



I have been shocked
Right to the core. Shocked! I say.
In thirty minutes, Philip has summed up the very essence of me.
In thirty minutes, Philip has tripped my brain, flipped the coin
A ruckus in The Green House

I had a feeling it was going to be good, but I could never have prepared for that.
Now often, one walks through life thinking they've got a few things figured out.
Anyone with half a grain of intuition has asked certain questions, certain truths of themselves.
And I can say with full confidence, that I have been asking those questions since birth. Intent on finding answers, purpose and the like.

In my research of this topic I thought myself quite acute, quite the goody two shoes, quite the master.
I stand quite corrected.

Every perspective, every certainty has been thrown out.
The coin has flipped and I am looking at an entirely different picture.
The tail
So I've been living with the head, the face, the vanity and the distaste of narcissism gone wild.
The when do I get mine, isn't it my time sort of me me me chant.
And I have been duped, by myself, to believe it was godly and good.
Not so good.
So all the communications, complications, situations were, to be honest and the in words of the late MJ, "with love", my fault.
Now there's no blame game, no spiraled shame, no woe is me, can't you see how terribly awful I can be?
That's just a load of bullshit.
And more importantly, this is no time for distraction.

It has been my fault. It has been my selfish, albeit, adorable narcissism that has crumbled each and every relationship and opportunity to date.
Putting myself before the rest of the world.
A starving, salivating grip on being right and making certain anyone crossing my path yields to my theories, reason and rhyme.

And all the wise man said was "give"
Now I've always claimed to be giving. I've always thought I've been doing my very best.
Ha!
Yes, I've given..
Given up
I've given up on anyone that doesn't follow my rules.
And of course, there is a gray area, there always is, but he said it is my life purpose to give. That I've come in to this world selfish and I would agree.
He said, "Don't be stupid, but in the area of giving there shall be no limit"

Those who are close to me when the doors are shut and the windows are drawn have had enough experience to agree, that I tend to chew on a topic until I am resolved. Not the other way around.
Or shall I say, not your way around.
Those who are close have spent sleepless nights in the back and forth of my insanity and unforgiving narcissism.
Those who are close can attest to have witnessed my exhausting displays of "not letting it go"

Well hear this!
The thanksgiving day parade is about to grace the Los Angeles streets and I am eating my own turkey.
I may bite off a little at a time. Grand claims are usually the strongest sign of foolish manipulations and shallow ends. So I will chew slowly, I will savor my progress, I will swallow with dignity.
Aquarius!!!!
It is the season for change and it's on me, no one else.
I sit at The Green House, excited, hopeful and clearly charged.
I will eat the head
I will leave the tail
I will flip the coin, wholly.