I Know You're On The Road

I know you're on the road
You were spotted in the bar
Outside the Sierra Madres
Where the quiet people live
They heard loud talking and fist fighting
They knew it was you
So they call me up to tell me
And they said you looked down
Said you were asking bout your woman
But you could not describe her
They gave you a sedative they said
They gave you a bath too
They put you in a room and then told me
You were crying by the fireplace
And calling for the preacher
He come running for the bar
But when he got there you were off again

I know you're on the road
They found letters on the highway
Stained with wine and dirty with mud
They were recently written
And the handwriting was pronouncedly yours
The words were no others
And the phrasing could not be mistaken
There were sentences and remarks
But no one could understand
At first the letters read like the rambling of a man
Searching for his lover in the cold and misty dark
But then they figured that the letters had been torn apart
They laid em' out across the road
One after another
Trying to decipher which belongs next to the other
After hours upon hours they gave up and walked on
They realized you had done the same

I know you're on the road
A mystic came to me in my dream
She said she's been following you around
She told me you were bothered
And I said I don't know why
She told me you were hurt
And I asked if there was something I could do
She motioned to the window
She lit the candle light
She handed me my shoes and said go now to the road
Find him where he is
Find him in the sunlight
Let him know you once again
On the road or off the bend
Don't speak unless he looks in to your eyes
Don't make excuses for the past
Just tell him nothing can compare to his kiss

I'm Gonna Tell My Mom

I'm gonna tell my mom
I'm gonna tell her what I did last night
I did some things and she's gonna know about them
She's gonna find out about these things and she's gonna cry.
She's gonna get in that robe. There's a robe she has. It's fuzzy. She's gonna wear it.
She's gonna check the clock. Clock's gonna say 7:20. It's gonna say 7:20 am. She's gonna put on that robe and she's gonna come to my room.
I'm gonna be in my room.
I'm not gonna be ready. I'm gonna be asleep.
There's gonna be stuff in my eyes. That stuff that shows up in your eyes when you sleep. That sleep stuff. I'm gonna have that sleep stuff in my eyes.
She's not gonna knock. She never knocks.
The door's gonna open.
She's gonna stand there with the fuzzy robe thing she wears and I'm gonna have the sleep stuff in my eyes and then she's gonna sit on my bed.
She's gonna sit on my bed and cry.
I'm gonna feel bad. She's gonna make me feel really bad.
She's gonna make me feel bad and I'm gonna take it.
I'm gonna take it because she's sitting on my bed and I told my mom.
I told my mom "I did it"
I did do it. I did it and I did it to myself.
I had the sex.
I had the real sex.
I had the premarital sex.
It was good.
I forced the guy. I made him do it to me. I made him do it to me at his dad's house. We did it and now I'm gonna tell my mom.
She's not gonna like it.
My mom's not gonna like that I had the sex.
She's gonna talk about things.
The kind of things you don't want to talk about.
No. She's gonna talk. I'm gonna listen.
She's gonna cry first.
She's gonna wait and then cry.
Then she's gonna sit.
She's gonna wait and then cry and then sit.
My mom's gonna sit and it's gonna be heavy.
Because I had the sex and you can't have the sex.
You can't have the sex if you don't have the ring.
You can't have the sex if you don't have the ring and then the sex.
I'm gonna tell my Orthodox mom that I had the sex
I'm gonna tell her that I had the sex before the wedding.
She's gonna wanna know things.
I'm gonna tell her those things.
She's gonna ask me how she's gonna live.
She's gonna ask me how she's gonna live because I did it.
She's gonna say I ruined her life.
Then she's gonna ask me why.
I'm gonna say I did it.
She's gonna say I shamed the family.
Then she's gonna ask me why.
I'm gonna say I did it and I don't know why.
She's gonna say I disgraced every dead relative.
I'm gonna say I did it and I don't know why and then I'm gonna cry.
She's gonna tell me I killed every living relative I have because I did it
Because after she's done asking me why, she's gonna tell them that I did what I did and they're gonna talk about what I did and they're gonna get into their fuzzy robes and they're gonna burst in to the bedrooms of their kids.
Then they're gonna wake those kids up when they still have the sleep stuff in their eyes and they're gonna say
"Your cousin did it. She did it and she did it without the ring and you better not do it like she did it. You better not do it like she did it or I'm gonna cry. I'm gonna come down every morning and I'm gonna cry. And we're not gonna smile anymore.
We are not gonna smile anymore.
Your cousin did it and we are not gonna smile or laugh anymore and we are gonna be dead.
Because that's what we do. We cry. We're gonna cry and we're gonna cry together and we're gonna talk about death.
We're gonna talk about death and we're gonna talk about sticking together and we are gonna stick together and your cousin's not one of us anymore.
We're not gonna talk about doing it anymore.
And we're not gonna talk about your cousin anymore.
Cuz your cousin is dead to us because she did it. She did it and then she told her mom.
I am not gonna tell my mom.
I am not gonna tell my mom that I did it.
I'm not gonna tell my mom that I had the se.
I'm gonna keep my mouth shut.
I'm gonna keep my mouth shut about doing it and then I'm gonna sleep.

I'm Gonna Fucking Get Married

Today I really mean it
I mean I really mean it
I'm gonna fucking get married.
I'm sitting around a table with my nearest and dearest
And I'm gonna jump out the huge dining room window
I'm gonna look back at the green craftsman
Then I'm gonna scream fuck you mother fuckers down 5th avenue
I'm not gonna stop at Olympic
I'm gonna run the light and confuse the shit out of some spastic Korean driver
I gonna worry him or her or them, that white people are taking over their block.
Then I'm gonna hit the Mobile and slam into the line where the cashier will then swipe my card and hand over two packs of camel lights.
He's gonna know I mean business and he's not gonna ask me for my ID today.
He's gonna know I really mean it.
I'm gonna get fucking married.
I'm gonna get so fucking married today.
And I'm gonna smoke those cigarettes. I'm gonna look really angry and really cool and really angry and really cool and I'm gonna be tough, cuz I'm doing something here. I've got something to do. And I'm gonna smoke and I'm gonna walk. Yeah, I'm gonna smoke and then I'm gonna walk.
I'm not gonna talk to anyone today. I'm gonna trap myself at The Grove and sit in Barnes and Nobles and commandeer the Relationship aisle. I'm gonna sit there and read "Calling in the One" and "If The Buddha Dated" and I'm gonna figure this thing out. Even if I have to die there, swaddled in best sellers, and empty coffee cups.
I'll eat pray love ten thousand times.
I'm gonna manifest.
That's exactly what I'm gonna do.
I'm gonna fucking manifest.
I'm gonna make lists.
I'm gonna type them up.
No I'm gonna hand write them.
That'll really let the universe know I mean it.
Cuz I'm gonna hand write the lists.
I'm gonna use my hands.
I'm gonna get very detailed.
Not gonna leave anything out.
Not gonna make any mistakes this time.
I'm getting married.
I'm gonna list what I want in my soul mate.
Then I'm gonna take that list and stick it in my pocket and It's gonna live in that pocket and it's gonna start sending out radio signals. Real radio signals.
Eric Bana is gonna hear the signal and he's gonna leave his wife.
He's gonna be at brunch and he's gonna hear something. He's gonna hear something and he's gonna get up from his seat. He's gonna say "baby girl, I gotta go" and he's gonna leave his wife.
He's gonna take the first flight out of Melbourne. It's gonna be 10:05am and he's gonna get on that plane. He doesn't know why he's on this plane.
I know why he's on that plane.
It's because I really mean it and I'm sending out these radio signals and I'm gonna get married.
Bana's gonna arrive looking good. He's gonna look good.
Then he's gonna take a cab over to the Chateau Marmonte and he's gonna tip the cab driver a big bill because he's Eric Bana and the guy I'm gonna marry better be a big fucking tipper. He better be generous because that's on my list. I wrote generous on my list. I hand wrote it.
Bana's gonna get a room, maybe a suite.
I'm gonna be there.
I'm gonna be there, downstairs in the lobby of the Chateau Marmonte. I'm gonna be looking at a bowl of green apples. They always have a bowl of green apples. They do things right at the Chauteau Marmont.
This'll be good.
Green apples.
Lobby.
Signals. Signals. Signals. Signals.
And
Then he's gonna show.
Bana's gonna make a left at the bottom of the stairs.
He's gonna walk.
He's gonna walk like a man. It was on the list. It's in my pocket. Signals signals signals
He's gonna ask me for the time.
I'm gonna give him that time.
We're gonna have a drink. I'm gonna order gin. He's gonna order scotch. He's gonna drink that scotch. I'm gonna sip that gin.
Then I'm gonna ignore T Bone Burnett on my right. I'm gonna give a dirty look to the hotel manager and I'm gonna walk upstairs with Bana.
Bana is gonna grab my ass.
He's gonna grab my unmarried ass.
We're gonna do it. But I mean really do it. Bana's got the moves. I hand wrote the moves. He's gonna go slow. It's gonna go slow and then it's gonna go good.
I'm gonna get pregnant.
Someone's gonna have a dream right about the time I'm getting pregnant with Bana's baby.
Someone's gonna text me "Are You Having Sex With Bana? I just dreamt you are pregnant with Bana's baby". I'm gonna get the text and I'm gonna say "yeah. Gotta go"
Bana's gonna grab the phone. He's gonna throw it away. He's gonna say "Pay attention. I've got something to say."
He's gonna choke up. He's gonna get choked up on a tear. Bana's gonna cry. He's gonna say "I wanna fucking marry you. I wanna fucking marry your ass"
I'm gonna say yes.
We're gonna do it again.
Then we're gonna get on a plane.
I'm gonna get married today.
I really mean it.
I mean I really mean it.

I Knew the King

Well, I met with the king on Saturday
And he said there'll be no more charity for the children
It came to me as quite a shock I must say
I was hoping he could hold out a little longer
But he had his eyes made up and he was sure as any

So I offered him my hand and just that
I had no ring or crown, but I had ten sticks to lick
He laughed at me and asked
What could I do with those
I did not take any offense but I scared him instead
I said,
You'll see if you give me a shot
And if you don't, you may come to regret it
He said I think I'm going to like you

We got on well, the king and I
I played the guitar and he smiled when he really liked one
We figured on the state and nation
We talked all night long into the cold early day
And in the small side room off the kitchen
He offered me the crown
He said I'm tired would you mind terribly
Taking over for a little while

Now anyone might have been very pleased
But I asked him to his face
Will you take it away
Will you just come by one afternoon
Sneak in to my closet
And take that thing back
Because I can already tell you're unsure
And I already know I'd grow quite accustom
To the comfort and the quill
So better to let me know early than late

He didn't say nothing
He looked a little weak
Like he might fall or something
So I didn't keep up with the conversation
I figured he needed his rest more than my questions
Maybe the drink got to him I thought
I don't know what came over me but I took the crown
Just put it in my pack and walked out

The very next day I tried to trade the thing
The pawn man just nodded his head
It's a fake, this cannot be the real deal
I will not argue with you man
But you may come to regret it I said
I tried my tricks but he had his eyes made up
So I shuffled out the door with my guitar in one hand
And the kingdom in the other

Next morning I woke up with a back ache
The thing kept me tossing all night
I started getting a little nervous
Started to get a little scared myself
But when my old friend showed up at the door
Asking for a coffee and a smoke
I knew we were alright and that
He understood what I was all about
Eventually, I got him to change his mind about the charity
He never offered the crown again
And that made me very happy

Gotta Leave Now

Misfits, rejects, honky tonk two step, jump back run away, barb wire, pay day
Not here, no how, figure on the red cow, Fridays coming soon, looking at a full moon
Tape deck, paints wet, talking to a red neck, five yards, three feet, copy cat a new key
Monkey see, I do, nothing new round here, same yard, bogart, babies in a shoppin cart
I'm not sure but I think it's getting dark
Gotta leave now cuz you're breaking my heart

Cool cats, fat jets, politicians romance, black tape, cry rape, nothing but a goat scape
Midnight, fur coat, got a fancy tug boat, big house, small dick, walkin with a cane stick
Pawn shop, grid lock, nanny's got a new top, two cents, white plains, everybody's insane
Fiddle string, alto, make yourself a freak show, get high, fall down, people love a white clown
I'm not sure but I think it's getting dark
Gotta leave now cuz you're breaking my heart

Angels, locale, everyone's a know how, big deal, ain't real, just another pin wheel
Go round, merry town, everyone's a blood hound, pink dress, miss step, I don't need an agent
Take ten, uptight, nothing but a knife fight, blue suit, bad smell, I can hear the toll bell
Get on, jump off, buy yourself a new scarf, cut through, make do, sing yourself a new tune
I'm not sure but I think it's getting dark
Gotta leave now cuz you're breaking my heart

Mariachi, girl bands, looking like a street stand, peacock, cheap sell, talking bout a wishin well
One time, shake show, costs about a kilo, momma take your hat off, daddy wants a blow job
Police, aimed guns, fugitive is on the run, back way, hide out, chief's is on the clock now
Give up, get dressed, put your hands above your head, sign here, sit down, better get your nose brown
I'm not sure but I think it's getting dark
Gotta leave now cuz you're breaking my heart

High noon, wood bench, California pavement, graveyard, cars parked, looking for a new start
Drunk men, steelers, hari krishna healers, hand outs, bomb shout, tell me what it's all about
Government, health care, Mr. Presidents here, talks right, looks good, doesn't do what he should
Global, wasteful, hope is for the hopeful, walkin to the station, looking for a reason
I'm not sure but I think it's getting dark
Gotta leave now, cuz you're breaking my heart

I Just Wanna Talk To You Boy

Man of the house
I just want to talk to you
I just want to talk to you
I just want to find out all about the facts simple false or true

I would like to talk to you
If you would not mind boy
If you would not mind takin
Up time of your minute
I've got a few things to say

There's a line that's been crossed
I'm not sure who drew it boy
But I'm positive it was not me
Then again, it may have been me
While I was sleeping

So let's get our stories straight
Who are you and are you you boy
Were you at the crime scene
Or did you send another fake
I would like to find out who I'm speaking with

Your new lady friend looks nice
She's the one that snitched boy
I didn't choose to find out this way
I'd like to find out if you are kind
Let me know how I should come prepared

She said you had some questions
And they weren't answered boy
They were swarming in your head
While you had us both in hotel rooms
Selling us both the same ridiculous fable

I don't want to scare you away
I realize you are still at heart a boy
And you cannot stand the conflict
You cannot stand the tears
So I won't make a big thing of all this

But I would like to mention
My very deep regret boy
You could have given me a sign
Some kind of direction so I could choose
But you were too caught up in your mirror to look

Let's say I still love you
Let's suppose I want you boy
We could talk about that too
It could set my mind at ease
But I'd need a little time to clean the sheets