I'm Gonna Fucking Get Married

Today I really mean it
I mean I really mean it
I'm gonna fucking get married.
I'm sitting around a table with my nearest and dearest
And I'm gonna jump out the huge dining room window
I'm gonna look back at the green craftsman
Then I'm gonna scream fuck you mother fuckers down 5th avenue
I'm not gonna stop at Olympic
I'm gonna run the light and confuse the shit out of some spastic Korean driver
I gonna worry him or her or them, that white people are taking over their block.
Then I'm gonna hit the Mobile and slam into the line where the cashier will then swipe my card and hand over two packs of camel lights.
He's gonna know I mean business and he's not gonna ask me for my ID today.
He's gonna know I really mean it.
I'm gonna get fucking married.
I'm gonna get so fucking married today.
And I'm gonna smoke those cigarettes. I'm gonna look really angry and really cool and really angry and really cool and I'm gonna be tough, cuz I'm doing something here. I've got something to do. And I'm gonna smoke and I'm gonna walk. Yeah, I'm gonna smoke and then I'm gonna walk.
I'm not gonna talk to anyone today. I'm gonna trap myself at The Grove and sit in Barnes and Nobles and commandeer the Relationship aisle. I'm gonna sit there and read "Calling in the One" and "If The Buddha Dated" and I'm gonna figure this thing out. Even if I have to die there, swaddled in best sellers, and empty coffee cups.
I'll eat pray love ten thousand times.
I'm gonna manifest.
That's exactly what I'm gonna do.
I'm gonna fucking manifest.
I'm gonna make lists.
I'm gonna type them up.
No I'm gonna hand write them.
That'll really let the universe know I mean it.
Cuz I'm gonna hand write the lists.
I'm gonna use my hands.
I'm gonna get very detailed.
Not gonna leave anything out.
Not gonna make any mistakes this time.
I'm getting married.
I'm gonna list what I want in my soul mate.
Then I'm gonna take that list and stick it in my pocket and It's gonna live in that pocket and it's gonna start sending out radio signals. Real radio signals.
Eric Bana is gonna hear the signal and he's gonna leave his wife.
He's gonna be at brunch and he's gonna hear something. He's gonna hear something and he's gonna get up from his seat. He's gonna say "baby girl, I gotta go" and he's gonna leave his wife.
He's gonna take the first flight out of Melbourne. It's gonna be 10:05am and he's gonna get on that plane. He doesn't know why he's on this plane.
I know why he's on that plane.
It's because I really mean it and I'm sending out these radio signals and I'm gonna get married.
Bana's gonna arrive looking good. He's gonna look good.
Then he's gonna take a cab over to the Chateau Marmonte and he's gonna tip the cab driver a big bill because he's Eric Bana and the guy I'm gonna marry better be a big fucking tipper. He better be generous because that's on my list. I wrote generous on my list. I hand wrote it.
Bana's gonna get a room, maybe a suite.
I'm gonna be there.
I'm gonna be there, downstairs in the lobby of the Chateau Marmonte. I'm gonna be looking at a bowl of green apples. They always have a bowl of green apples. They do things right at the Chauteau Marmont.
This'll be good.
Green apples.
Lobby.
Signals. Signals. Signals. Signals.
And
Then he's gonna show.
Bana's gonna make a left at the bottom of the stairs.
He's gonna walk.
He's gonna walk like a man. It was on the list. It's in my pocket. Signals signals signals
He's gonna ask me for the time.
I'm gonna give him that time.
We're gonna have a drink. I'm gonna order gin. He's gonna order scotch. He's gonna drink that scotch. I'm gonna sip that gin.
Then I'm gonna ignore T Bone Burnett on my right. I'm gonna give a dirty look to the hotel manager and I'm gonna walk upstairs with Bana.
Bana is gonna grab my ass.
He's gonna grab my unmarried ass.
We're gonna do it. But I mean really do it. Bana's got the moves. I hand wrote the moves. He's gonna go slow. It's gonna go slow and then it's gonna go good.
I'm gonna get pregnant.
Someone's gonna have a dream right about the time I'm getting pregnant with Bana's baby.
Someone's gonna text me "Are You Having Sex With Bana? I just dreamt you are pregnant with Bana's baby". I'm gonna get the text and I'm gonna say "yeah. Gotta go"
Bana's gonna grab the phone. He's gonna throw it away. He's gonna say "Pay attention. I've got something to say."
He's gonna choke up. He's gonna get choked up on a tear. Bana's gonna cry. He's gonna say "I wanna fucking marry you. I wanna fucking marry your ass"
I'm gonna say yes.
We're gonna do it again.
Then we're gonna get on a plane.
I'm gonna get married today.
I really mean it.
I mean I really mean it.